POLYGAMY

If I learnt something during my years in Sub-Saharan Africa, it is this: Polygamy is the choice of men of honor. Oh, I know, you’re cringing, Western sensibility and all that. Well, get a bloody grip: The West is just that, the West, not the centre of the World! Try to tell an old bat like me that Polygamy is not romantic. I look at supposedly monogamous couples around me, and sorry, mates, but I cannot see much romance! Not respectful of women? Well, I’ll tell you about my friend’s husband in a minute, and you’ll see how respectful he is of the woman he married. Polygamy is for selfish men, by selfish men?  Show me one unselfish man, and I keep my big mouth shut.

My friend Suzy, super gal, lives in England- a typical victim of monogamy. Life treated Lucy well. She graduated from university, started working as an office manager for a medium size firm, got married-beautiful white wedding-so romantic, had 3 kids, stopped working to be a full time mom. Pub with hubby and friends on Friday nights, on Saturdays watching the boys play football and taking daughter to ballet class and birthday parties, holidays in Spain, 2 cars, a big mortgage-the dream house, a bit over budget but a real family home for the children to grow in… Lucy and her husband Joe had it all. Hard work, lots of bills, but well worth it!

One day, Lucy hit 40. The children will all be in secondary soon. The husband making a nice career for himself-too many business trips around the country, but well worth it. Lucy took stock of her life, felt happy and fulfilled, thankful even. 40, ridiculous number! Lucy still felt like a young lass inside, especially on Friday nights, laughing and being carefree at the pub. Well, I don’t want to be bitchy or anything, but, she did look her age. Those pints of beer did nothing for her waistline, and finishing the kids’ dinner plates did not help either and the pounds piled 0n. A bit of extra extra makeup to hide the lines and the bags under the eyes…  I kept on telling her she should take better care of herself, but, who listens to an ugly old bag like me?

Joe indulged on food and beer during the business trips, sure, but he also went for runs and used the hotel gyms, so, blime, he actually carried his 45 years quite well. He is no George Cloony, mind you, but, not a bad looking fellow. On a business trip more boozy than usual, Joe ended up in bed with Sally, 28, office manager in a medium size firm. For Lucy, poor little mite, and the kids, it was the beginning of a grim and difficult life.

Soon, Joe did not come back home every week-end. He started to forget little Tommy’s football matches, or Laura’s ballet shows. He did not phone so often either… till one day, Sally got what she wanted. Joe left his wife and moved in with her. An acrimonious, bitter , costly divorce followed. Joe could see the kids twice a month, but only bothered when he remembered. And with Sally now pregnant… They had to go to court more times that poor Lucy could afford to make him pay for the alimony and child support. Now, Lucy works at her local Tesco, but it is hard to do the hours with 3 kids. No practical help, no moral support, no money. They had to move to a small, uncomfortable council flat. The waiting list was long, but with 3 kids, they jumped the queue. It took only 6 months. A lucky break, right? That’s monogamy for you.

If I take what I know, Western Africa, men are men too, selfish dogs, like everywhere else. They get tired of their aging wives. Fresh meat, much better! BUT, they do not abandon the 1st wife. Yes, sure they marry a 2nd, may be a 3rd, a 4th… but they keep their responsabilies towards every single one of them. They visit them and their children on a rotation basis, yes, you read correctly! They provide to their needs: food,  housing (a hut per wife), school fees, medical bills… and for them fairness is not a nice added extra: it is the only way to have peace… and not get poisoned by a jealous wife. You buy a roll of cloth for one wife, you buy an equivalent one for the others; you buy a new cooking pot for one wife, you buy the same for the others… Imagine, 4 wives, 4 angry women, no man can survive that! So, he wisely and safely treats each woman equally. And all of them well: the ever present possibility of them ganging up on him will keep any fellow on the right path! Now, if you think about it, these are countries with no social service, no national health care program,  no council flat, nothing… Polygamy is “husbandry” at its best.

So, now, be frank, and tell me which society respects women the most? Which of these men are the most selfish? As for romance…